Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
