Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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