I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My vagina is officially offended.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
