Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
