dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
In America we eat man semen.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
