evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
