So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
