Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
