dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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