Dual....:-)
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
