She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
