once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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