She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
