Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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