I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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