I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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