do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
