Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
