Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
