Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
