I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
