Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
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Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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