im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
