the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
