Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
