Sponge bath it is.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
