Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
