wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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