I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
