I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
