today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
