thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
