Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
