If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
