just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
