Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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