He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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