Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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