Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
