the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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