I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
