before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
