The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
