i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
