i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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