I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
