she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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