Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
