dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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