she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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