remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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