Can i not drive my cunt home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
