was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
