Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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