her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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