He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
