my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
