Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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