i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
