Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
