my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
