you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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