He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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