I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
