woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
