im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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