you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
