A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is my gift to your gina
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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