i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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