That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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