i don't like sucking hair
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
