since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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