I want to make a zoo with you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
