I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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