i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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