How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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