you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
