i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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