Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
