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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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