I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
