she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
