so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize